I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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