The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The best revenge is premature balding
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well I just put wine in my tea
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
