I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
