wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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