Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
