hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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