My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
