dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
