Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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