dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
