I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
