almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize