I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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