Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
