We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize