Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
vagina is talking i cant
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
