I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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