hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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