Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
