Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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