he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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