a search helicopter?!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
