dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
