You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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