Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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