Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
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