At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
