2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
