i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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