If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
