I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
