I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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