so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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