Life is so much better after having sex.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
