you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
