i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
