whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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