I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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