You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
