i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
