I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
