Jerry, you need to find god
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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