she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
