Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize