Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
