Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
