halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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