two words: eviction party
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Someone came in the potted fern
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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