He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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