I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
