so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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