it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.