Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.