I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.