today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
