Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
