Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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