Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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