Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
