i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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