ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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