I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
