Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
